Your face is a jimmy john
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
