he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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