Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize