Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
