I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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