I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
