so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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