talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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