Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
