I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
