Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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