I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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