I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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