I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
