Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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