I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
