My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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