You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm having to shit out rocks
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
