Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
