Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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