Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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