Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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