he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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