My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
