I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize