got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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