Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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