I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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