This dress was meant to end up on your floor
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
