Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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