mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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