Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
