at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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