i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
