Taylor Swift is so right about you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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