i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
