White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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