She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
