Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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