I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
