Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
