Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
