Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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