I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
