I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
