after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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