Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
