your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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