Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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