did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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