We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
