I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
