I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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