he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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