wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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