I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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