My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
