i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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