WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
