How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize