I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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