dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Floor bacon is actually really good
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
