You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
