hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize