Non-Jews are for practice
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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