too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
