I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
