Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
