I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
