best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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