A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
