You can't special order awesome
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
